DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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