Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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