Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he fucked my hip out of place.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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