It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Someone shattered a urinal.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
