Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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