fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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