I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
