i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
