At least make sure they are 18
Why
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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