If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
