So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
