I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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