you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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