It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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