This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
