my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
