Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
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Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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