Are we in a gay sports bar?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
