hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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