Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
