why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
