yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
