Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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