I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Actions speak louder than pants.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
