All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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