3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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