I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize