im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
