I cannot find my penis.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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