How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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