I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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