It's Friday. Sex?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
