Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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