i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
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Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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