this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
