I just cut my nipple shaving
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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