Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
