why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
