I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
