I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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