How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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