someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
