Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Less talking, more tequila
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
