i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
