Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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