Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
