If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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