Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
