dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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