So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
