At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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