I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
