quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
