I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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