couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
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A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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