Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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