He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
