I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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