I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
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Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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