everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
