New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
