3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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