I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
